zoom – a story about grace
Sunday, 12 September 2010
Most of the time, I love what I do behind my camera. I love getting to meet new people and experience things in places I’d never see if I didn’t have the camera strapped around my neck, up in front of my nose. I feel so alive there, more alive than in most other places in my life.
But there are things about photography that I hate, too, things that are draining instead of life-giving. The hardest part of my job are the stories I see (and sometimes capture) that I can’t tell.
Proverbs 31 notes that the tongue of the virtuous woman is ruled by kindness. This is why I try to govern my words here at my blog, why I try to speak kindness of others, even if I have vitriol to spill. This is why my blog is not a “rant” blog.
But pictures speak a thousand words, and sometimes I cannot say the things I see: the pain, the need, the devastation, awkward family dynamics, outright hostility, fear, irritation, anger, annoyance – and I have seen it all. There are times I have had to leave the room, reset a situation, speak to a client, guard a door.
When I process a session, I muck through their dust and mine to find the beauty begging a reveal.
I wonder if my clients realize that I fully engage with them as people, that in photographing them, I see them living and live their lives with them for the time they are in front of my camera, for the time I spend searching out their real as I sort and choose my images in post-processing.
This is why I sometimes take photos that make no sense, except to explain the ache I own, the burden I bear, seeing too many things I cannot reveal. This is why I do not hate blurred shots, or a bit of over-exposure. I consider them part of my style, because life is sometimes blurred and over-exposed. This is why I focus so much on the light, because the light makes everything beautiful.
But sometimes, even the light isn’t enough to redeem an image, and I can tell only a very small part of the story. Here, I switch out my wide-angle lens for my zoom lens or my macro, and I zoom in, out, down, over. I look for the things others aren’t seeing, the gentle and the lovely and the beautiful, to remind them that in whatever situation they are living, there was still beauty in their story, that even if they did not own the memory they hoped to make, there was something new they didn’t see.
The zoom serves as my own reminder, too. I zoom in on details in my often-messy house. I go to our fairly-boring park and I shoot the light and the flowers and the apricot-sized spiderweb the setting sun discovered.
Nathaniel asked, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” – and I ask it too, about the dust of my life, the dust of this pain-filled world that I observe and reveal with my camera. Nathaniel found the Messiah; I study His grace.
Indeed, there is a quality of grace about a zoom lens, the lens that sees but does not see, as it offers a respite from the big picture when the big picture is too much to handle. It informs me of God’s grace, reminds me with its limited focus and in-depth scope that even if I cannot do it all, cannot be it all, there is still something beautiful about my life – the something that is Christ covering me with His full righteousness before God.
I like to think that when my zoom lens focuses on the life in the mess, I’m finding Him there, capturing just a bit of His love, revealing how He sees things when we’re sure there was nothing lovely to begin.
Claire has posted her Photoplay prompt (“zoom”) at High Calling Blogs. I hope you check it out and play along! Just leave the permalink to your post in her comment box before Wednesday, September 15 for a thumbnail feature on Friday at HCB.
No. 1 — September 12th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
I’m thinking this post is a gift just for me, Kelly. I opened my dashboard and saw your post — I clicked on it…even though I’m supposed to be working on my own. And I read this. And in sorrow and suffering, your message about seeing a speck of beauty, a bit of grace, within the big, messy picture, is exactly what I need to hear. This post is my speck of beauty amidst disaray. Thank you.
Michelle DeRusha´s last [type] ..Signs
No. 2 — September 12th, 2010 at 5:03 pm
Such beautiful words and spirit, such encouragement for us all. The thing about having your photo taken is that you are in so many ways naked, vunerable, exposed …. and the thing about taking photos is exactly the same.
No. 3 — September 12th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
Pleased to have been able to read this today, Kelly.
Congratulations on providing the cover photo for the poetry collection LL highlighted on FB.
Maureen´s last [type] ..Thought for the Day
No. 4 — September 12th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
your words are a lovely picture.
nance nAncY´s last [type] ..glen series – post four
No. 5 — September 12th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Oh, I love this post! So true. Something about “zooming” in can make you see beauty in something that otherwise may have been missed. LOVE that spider web image.
Danielle´s last [type] ..Favorite Finds
No. 6 — September 12th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
zoom. focusing in on small evidences of Him. cropping out all the ugly.
this is very good…
amy in peru
amy in peru´s last [type] ..remembering to forget
No. 7 — September 12th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
what a great analogy to the way God’s grace is sufficient…thanks.
dawn´s last [type] ..rememberingagain
No. 8 — September 12th, 2010 at 11:23 pm
I don’t even know what to say. Your post touched me so much. I “ran” to my blog and almost purged all my pain and insecurity. I feel like your my voice sometimes. I’m not a photographer but your analogies, they were so deep. Thank you for your honesty, and your willingness to share
No. 9 — September 12th, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Until now I have run from the zoom.
Until now I saw it as nit-picky and invasive.
Until this: “…when the big picture is too much to handle.”
Sometimes it is. Just too big.
deidra´s last [type] ..Sunday
No. 10 — September 13th, 2010 at 6:30 am
Wow, Kelly, this seals the deal – you are a pro. Not just with the photography, as this post shows your gift for taking it to an art form, but also in the words you can pull out to describe what you do, where it comes from within you, the spiritual connection. I love the idea of over exposure and blur – (again, a word I’m using in a post tomorrow – we are in synch, my friend!)to reflect the grace in life’s imperfection. The light in our dust. Well done.
No. 11 — September 13th, 2010 at 8:45 am
Love this metaphor, this post. Beautiful, my friend.
Jo@Mylestones´s last [type] ..Just in Time
No. 12 — September 13th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
I love how the Holy Spirit sneaks in bits and pieces of the redeemed, re-created future earth into our struggling today. Isn’t it fun working with him to zoom in on these glimpses of beauty?
Heather´s last [type] ..Postures of an Artist- Part II
No. 13 — September 14th, 2010 at 4:53 am
I know what you mean.What a lovely way of putting it!Hey,I took some pictures kind like the ones with the flowers and light/sun flares.That’s cool that we shot pictures of kinda the same thing.
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Alex-Parrot Portraiture
No. 14 — September 14th, 2010 at 10:46 pm
I keep coming back to this.
deb´s last [type] ..perhaps
No. 15 — September 15th, 2010 at 6:39 pm
how do you get it right to stop me every time?
No. 16 — September 15th, 2010 at 8:48 pm
These do tell. So lovely, Kelly. I ALWAYS love what you do behind the camera!
laura´s last [type] ..We Walked Across the Ohio River at Night