a little different

I see things a little different. I see the halo around the sun when I should be seeing a puddle in a parking lot. I see the smile in the eyes if the mouth is smiling or not. I see the memory in the snow, not the individual flakes. I see unique personality instead of boilerplate posturing.

I love the way I see the world, and I love sharing it in photography. But even if I wasn’t sharing it, I would be capturing it. Because sometimes I just can’t not take a picture.

This last week, I caught bits and pieces of Jasmine Star’s Creative Live wedding workshop. There were things she shared that made me go, “yes, yes, I’m totally on the right track” – I haven’t wasted five years of serious photography-dabbling. And there were things she said that made me stop and think, “wow, that is so totally not me – I don’t want to be her.”

But there were three things she said that have stuck with me all weekend, because she put words to something I’ve been coming to myself recently:

• She said something (I will never remember the specifics – sigh) about committing to photography
• She said that “brides are not choosing pictures; they’re choosing a photographer.”
• She encouraged her listeners/watchers to choose three words to describe their brand – the “brand” being the “this is what you get if you have me shoot for you.”

The Commitment:

I’ve been on the fence for years about my photography, first because I was working a full-time job, then because I was home with a baby, then two babies. I’ve sat that fence because I was hired for “cheap photography” and not for what I would bring to it. I sat that fence because life interfered with processing and I was collapsing and dealing with post-partum depression. I sat the fence because “I’m not that good” and because I couldn’t figure out how to “balance” photography and family.

But in the last couple of weeks, as I’ve been scheduling and shooting all over the place without so much time to think in between, I’ve realized that photography brings me to life. I feel different behind a camera. I’m not just observing my world. I’m entering in, and I LOVE it. I mean, LOVE it love it.

And in between shoots? I’m giddy. I’m entering into my kids’ lives and my husband’s life. Instead of trying to figure out what part of me goes where and how to prioritize my loves, I am embracing it all at once, until I feel like I’ll explode, in the best way possible. I’m fully there, in a way I didn’t think was possible if I ever opened myself to it. Hello, there IS no balance.

But God isn’t writing on the wall for me to pursue photography. He’s not telling me that it’s a mission field or that I shouldn’t or should do it. He’s giving me a choice. Driving back from my Saturday shoot (reveal coming tomorrow), I kept asking Him if He’d just say one way or the other what I should do. I didn’t get it. I got, “We walk by faith, not by sight.” I got, “If you believe about Me what you say you believe about Me, then walk out with Me.” Life abundant.

At this point in my life, I think I can commit to photography. I think that if I do, I won’t feel so constantly torn. But if I do, I have to walk into it real, walk into it as me.

The Me who Takes Pictures

Bringing me to my photography is the most important aspect of it for me. As I said, I see things a little different. And I need my clients to either see what I see or want what I see. I’ve sold myself short for opportunities to shoot, and I’ve let others dictate my work to me. I’ve separated my life from my photography, trying to be “a real photographer” with professionalism and everything – but I am inescapably me. (Sorry, folks.)

Me is still learning. Me does not have the best equipment out there – but it’s not the equipment that takes the pictures, it’s the photographer.

I am daring to bring me to this, daring to bring God to this. I am daring to shoot what I see even if it means I don’t fit into market-driven pigeon-holes. I’m having a blast planning a couple of site changes to bring me a bit more to my photography, to share a bit more of who I am and what I do – and what I want to do.

If you don’t like me and what you see here, don’t hire me. If you have questions about me, ask them. I am more than willing to answer. :-)

The Brand

It has taken me the longest time to come up with this. I didn’t know what I was doing at the beginning, or how I would change. But there are three things that are a consistent part of my photography – from the first wedding I shot to the work I’m doing today:

• Passion
• Reveal
• Alive

I have a Story People quote up on my Facebook page (have you liked that yet, btw?) that encapsulates the experience I want to give people when I do a session:

I carry you with me into the world, into the smell of rain
and the words that dance between people, and for me,
it will always be this way,
walking in the light,
remembering
being alive together

- story people

And for my website, I want to change it so that when you visit, you walk away feeling, “I could be that alive.” I’ve been working on this for years, but it’s finally beginning to come into focus.

I’ve got something different to bring to this, an artist’s eye and a heart that is His. I see a little different because He sees a little different in me, and my photographic “voice” is His reveal – “See what I see here,” He says. I make memories in my photography sessions. I’m not a mirror – I am a scribe. You would not believe the beautiful different I see. I don’t believe it half the time. Every shoot is a discovery.

I think it’s time. It’s sooner than I thought it would be, but hello, wow. Let’s do this thing!